All Posts by Elena Harder

On Self Love – Dawn DelVecchio

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Loving Self is essential. Without self-love we don't have what it takes to love others. Self-love is the very opposite of what we would see as inconsiderate self-importance or selfishness. Self Love is self honoring and self respect. It is recognizing our intrinsic worthiness of love and care. For me, Self-Love has been a process of reclaiming as I deeply heal and clear early childhood and past life patterns set in place which stood between me and my awareness of my eternal, divine self.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Biggest struggle has been with receiving my man's love for me. When I am not in the place of self-love, I cannot receive. I tend, then, to live in the future (worrying) and cannot relax into receptivity. The more I reclaim my right to life and love, the more able I am to be in the present, to receive love and to be available for sex more often too.

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

Non-Violent Communication

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

A subconscious fear from a previous life which kept me "hiding out" as a writer instead of claiming my Soul's Sacred Calling as a Leader once again.

Elena's Thoughts: 

Learning to love yourself lets other people love you more!  I totally identify with what Dawn said about her biggest struggle.  “receiving my man’s love for me. When I am not in the place of self-love, I cannot receive. I tend, then, to live in the future (worrying) and cannot relax into receptivity.”  I’ve found this to be true, and sometimes it as simple as changing my focus to “how can I be more open” or opening my eyes when I’m feeling triggered and angry to see that the face looking at me is actually quite loving and I just can’t feel it right now.

On Self Love – Supriya Jain

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

I think self love is a tricky thing. One must have enough to appreciate oneself for the good and right things while being cautious not to get in the realm of narcissism. I'd like to think I've found a balance.I'm an introvert and on various occasions suffer from self doubt - will I be able to do it, what will people think, will I make a fool of myself, am I too fat, is this dress ok and so on. At these times knowing and appreciating myself has always been my saviour. Being strongly individualistic, I am quite vocal about the unique traits we all have and not afraid to be different. This is what I am, and I'm fabulous with all my flaws.I do look at external support to strengthen my belief in myself and I am happy to say I have a loving ecosystem that responds in kind. I am not afraid to reach out for appreciation and ask people to point out things that are good about me. Some might call it fishing for compliments but for me it's food for my soul 🙂

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

My biggest struggle right now is to adjust to the fact that I am single. I lost my husband in an accident last year - we'd been together for 15 years (since I was 18 years old). I didn't know life without him, since we stepped in to adulthood together. And I'm still learning to live this new reality every day (www.apieceofhim.com is where I blog about this).

But before this happened, we did have a strange bond. We were very different personalities, yet a part of each other from all those shared years. The challenge was to balance our differences to create a life together. I think the one thing I learnt was that if you are patient enough you'll find a common thread - something that connects opposing viewpoints, something that matters to each partner. And once you are able to identify that thread, happiness can be woven around that.

In my new reality as a widow, I'm seeing a different aspect of relationships. There are certain things that people expect from me, and I don't think I'm really doing those. In this past year and a half I think my biggest focus has been me. And that's changed me significantly. Earlier where I tolerated toxic people, I remove them from my life now. Earlier where I cared about family opinions, I choose what's best for me now and leave them to adjust to it.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

My great work in the world isn't here yet :). It's going to be a baby that I'm trying to make from a sample of my husbands sperm that we had (details on my blog).



I'm taking the IVF route to make this happen and it's been a very challenging journey. One to be alone while doing this, two the constant hormone high you are on, three the mixed social response, and four the uncertainty of the whole thing. I've already had one failed attempt and will be trying again in Dec/Jan. It's an emotional roller coaster and for a person who's preferred to be practical her whole life, I'm still trying to understand the new me.


On Self Love – Elena Harder

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self love is the act of accepting and appreciating yourself. ESPECIALLY your less nice aspects. Self love is a moment to moment practice of remembering your highest self, the one that is love, and allowing that to wash over your human experience, and bring acceptance to exactly what you are experiencing right now. It means choosing moment to moment to remember that it's all illusion, and that you are witnessing yourself, doing whatever that is. Self love is also a commitment to continuing to do things that support you to feel nurtured and cared for. Self love sometimes includes asking other people for help to love yourself, and it often involves doing things that are uncomfortable at first.

Self love is important because otherwise self hatred has room to grow. Self love is crucial because it is the food and the support that you need to continue to grow and change as a person. Without it, you won't be able to make the big leap, or believe in yourself enough to do what you want to do, and make the impact you came here for.

The most powerful way I've found to do it, is to lean into the moments of challenge, and face my fears by saying "I love the one who… whatever the negative experience is." And of course "I Love You's"

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Biggest struggle is that I'm feeling like I don't have that many relationships that matter to me, and that makes me feel sad and lonely. It's changed a lot in the last few years as I've learned more about self love, because I've felt like this since before I can remember, and now I consciously choose to reach out and connect with people who I know (intellectually at least) love and support me no matter what I do. I didn’t used to do that, so I felt like I didn’t have people who loved me, and I also didn’t talk to the people who did, so I felt extra alone. (Plus beating myself up for being bad at friendship). I now beat myself up a LOT less than I used to.

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

Owning my projections. Any time I point a finger at someone else and say "you're doing this to me" I’ve trained myself to breathe first. And then ask the questions, how is this related to me, why does this trigger me? How can I express and lean into this, how can I let it go of attachment to this feeling, integrate it and come to understanding. All of these are flowed together into the JoyGasm Transmutation process, which helps me immensely in these moments.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

TIME. Seriously. And myself. When JoyGasm came to me, I saw myself rolling it out and being an international superstar inspiring others within a matter of 6-12 months from when I started. Boy was I wrong. It's been over 4 years, and I'm still working on being seen and heard, and most importantly BEING OKAY WITH SUCCESS. My own programing and self talk continually gets in the way. But I know that having a big vision helps with this a ton.

Nicole Hartley Bradford on Self Love

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

Elena HarderJoyGasm Founder and Self Love Expert

Nicole's awareness of multiple selves is something that has helped me immensely in my journey to wholeness.  To acknowledge that not ALL of us is in alignment with creating a new and fantastic life makes things so much easier to address and heal. 

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

My take on Self Love: I need to love all my "selves"...keep connected with them, accept and support them, listen to them. I've noticed that everything going on in me gives me how I feel, and tends to show up bigger in life around me.



If I take care of everything going on in me...it takes care of...everything. If I am dissing or pissing on a part of me, I feel like shit and behave from that, and get more of it from life. The most powerful way I have to do this is making regular check ins with myself, becoming familiar with the flags that something is going on under the surface...and taking a moment or more to pay it due attention.



When I was learning this more powerfully, I recorded my self saying some of the things my less empowered selves needed to hear ...on my phone, and played them back when I needed them. It was super effective.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

My biggest struggle these days is when my yesses turn into no's....and communicating that with grace, clearing the guilt and obligation tension. I've come a long way 🙂 This one almost had me committing suicide 6 years ago. 

?

Sometimes I think it is all about the yesses and no's...and my selves inside...reaching a kind of inner consensus!



All of this is key in my development as an entrepreneur, as a mom, a human, a partner.

Naomi Colb on Self Love

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

Elena HarderJoyGasm Founder and Self Love Expert

I love Naomi's break down of 1 minute for this, 7 minutes for that, as well as her appreciation of a great hot shower.  She packs a punch with several super powered food supplements and activities all in 10 minutes!  She also knows how to make sure her environment is 111% positive by creating healthy boundaries.  This woman obviously knows how to kick butt and self love in style! 

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self-love is essential to a healthy, happy and peaceful life. I powerfully love myself daily by expressing appreciation to myself for the gift of today and demonstrating that appreciation by choosing nourishment of my 5 senses, my food, the positive people I attract, movement, uplifting media and events. I live a curated, intentional life….rather than a default life and I make my living supporting others to do the same.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?
I no longer experience struggle with relationships. Only positive, radically accountable and co-creative people come into my life. If people self-select distance, I wish them well and continue thriving. Most come back later with apologies.

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

The most important skill is to be present and paying attention to my own body, breathing, posture and the other person's at the same time, silencing the mind chatter in eyes open meditation, co-creating in intimate flow throughout the day.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

In the past, I was challenged by an inability to establish rapport, clearly communicate and co-create. I could not attract and retain co-creators. In recent years, I have done enough plant medicines to rewire my Aspergers nervous system so that I now attract conscious co-creators for projects.

Tamara Ward on Self Love

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

Elena HarderJoyGasm Founder and Self Love Expert

The "Feeling when you get there" is totally true.  I love Tamara's truth and reality that it's not always easy to find that space, but we all uniquely know what gets us there.  From there, enjoy the journey, and thank her later!  I've had the pleasure of getting to know Tamara in person and her wit never ceases to amuse and amaze me.  

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self love is where one values themselves enough to make themselves a priority in their own life. Fill your cup so you have something to offer others. The best way to do it is to first evaluate what they need most in their life to put them in motion to achieving it.

Boundary setting, self nurture time, removing the fear of change, and “control” often comes up, so redirecting their awareness to controlling their response rather than trying to control the situation supports them in that.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now?

Not having a romantic relationship for five years, I’m deferring to my “friend” experiences.

My personal relationships struggle when I over extend myself for my friend and then feel resentful when (I feel) its not appreciated or reciprocated.

How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Self love has taught that if I’ve made the choice to extend myself for my friend, then I honor that. I honor my choice and my actions as a result. I love myself enough to not focus on how they respond, rather I accept my role and my choices

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

Boundaries & compassion

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

I’m finding that people love to talk about their misery, explore it and analyze it, but very few want to do something about it, nor pay for the support in doing it.

Self Love Practices of Top Experts

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world.  

our Experts of The Week Answer:

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

Meeting Your Future Self

5 years ago I wrote myself a letter from the future.

I was very pregnant and had just moved back in with my parents, having gotten it through my head that my relationship with my sons bio-dad was not going to be supportive of me as a new mom. I was depressed, desperate, in my first months of business, and not even that excited about baby being born, just glad that the ache in my back would be gone soon, and I would have some space in my belly. In those pregnant days life was a dark and fearful place.
I sat down, entered, and connected to my future self. She was sitting in Morocco, at a cafe, and laughing with her partner. She was sipping tea, and talking about the possibilities. Wizing through parallel realities of what “might happen when we get up from the table” would we meet someone to take us on an adventure, would we walk down the beach, would we stumble over a camel, or make out in the park… what would be the most fun. My partner and I turn to each other, and laugh. We know exactly which one seems most fun.

We set our collective intent upon it, and release it.

When it’s time to pay the bill, we get up, and start off into the buzzing market. Within a few moments, we encounter a woman, and it’s clear to both of us, she is the gateway to our adventure. We introduce ourselves, follow her, and she leads us to a community like the one we’ve been searching for. We laugh at the perfection of creation, and enjoy the heck out the afternoon with her. We have met another family member, and we are powerful in our creation.

This sense of mastery, of freedom, of choice and receiving, is something I’ve caught in glimpses and in moments over the years.

Like desiring to go to Afest, and getting an invite that seemed impossible. Meeting a lover who strikes every chord in my body. Letting go of moments of anger deeply felt in the past. People lining up in majestic perfection. Life showing me in perfect harmony what is needed for the transformation of being set free. Magic indescribable I’ve seen happen. And this frustration that the intensity seems to happen only in short bursts. And at the time I wrote this letter, it was a hopeful melody, echoing back from the past. This playful nature of my future self, seemed unreachable, unattainable to my depressed, repressed and abused self.

It was at the time, only a dream from the future.. to give me hope and pull me forwards.

Well, I’m excited to say that next week, I go to meet my future self. My partner Maxim and I fly to Morocco. Alex, that babe in my belly is now almost 6, and passionate in his own right about what “most fun” is. I never knew a reason WHY I wanted to go to Morocco, only that I would go. And now the moment is upon me. I have gathered who I thought I would be..

realizing that my life now, is unrecognizable from the woman of 5 years ago.

Sure, I still have moments of struggle, of getting caught in mind games and worry and fear. But my attitude, my general experience, and my perception of myself are so different than the scared and fearful girl I was those years ago. They say you don’t know what you’re made of until you try. I didn’t know how strong I was until the last 5 years dragged me to a pit and beat me.  I thought that was bad, but.. nothing compared to what came after that.

I really learned how strong I am when I dragged my own butt out of that pit kicking and screaming with parts of me trying to get back into the pit.

And I’m realizing how strong am I now.. Being strong in loving it it. In loving myself through it. And in being strong enough to let myself have what I want. Live how I want. Travel with the dream family I’ve always wanted (and that’s more than just 3 of us! if you want to come travel along, we’re making rooms for you!)

If you’ve dreamed it. You can do it.

Keep the faith, enjoy the ride, and celebrate the heck out of moments like this. Where you really do see dreams (and future letters) come true.
Love Elena

A love note to inner peace. 

Dear Beloved,
When the shift comes, and love rearranges the molecules of your heart, and lets you know that you’re truly okay. When you’re seen in just the right way to let your guard down (that much more!), and let it ALL settle in… That for real… you’re worthy. For real… you’re the shit! For real… you make someone’s world alight and align, and all you have to do is not throw a hissy fit. And even THEN they love you, even when you do. That’s a moment to take a deep breath, and remember “I deserve this too.”
I release the past, the future and the present. I surrender to the moment, inside, and unpleasant. I let myself go, to the feeling inside, let it all flow. There’s nothing to hide. I face it dead on. I love myself through. No matter what patterns of the past, and fear try to do. I love myself fiercely and truthfully too. I follow my path, and my heart, and my feet… How about you?
What changes must happen? For your life to align… if the vision I’ve set seems so different than thine? The words that we speak, they don’t come from here, they come from the collective, OUR words, if I dare.
Our culture is growing, our community strong. We stand undivided over rivers, lakes, and songs. We unite our proud voices, giving rise to the shift. Not longer content with the cultural drift. We’ve all seen it happen, sometimes through misery, or surrounded by song, another Awakens, and starts singing along. It’s changing faster now, and those of us who, have been here a while, well we have more work to do! To button our hats, and show them the way. How to a live amidst chaos, with bliss inside…. everyday.
As Chiron squares Venus, the stars are aligned. To see the truth of your hurts, the scars in your mind. Our mind telling us lies, makes for pain in our hearts. Now let go of those moments.. just as quick as it starts. (These moments of pain, coming up to bite you in the ass when you’re right on the edge. You might want to curse them… but then you remember instead..) You’ve got years of history turning stardust into mystery, pain in to pleasure, and hurtful words into love’s unending refrain. These moments no different. Just do the same.
You came here with reason, to create something new, something way beyond what you knew how to do. You came here to become a master. A great beautiful disaster. Turned into a masterpiece in community, a group of people who will set your heart free.. A master.. a master… a great beautiful disaster… And the longer you put it into the future, the longer it’s going to take for you to realize that you were BORN a master. Born a god and goddess, born love incarnate, and you’ve simply forgotten along the way. You’re already, in so many ways.. a master. Not by changing a single thing about you, but by simply turning your attention, (In that special way that only you do) Just by simply turning your attention, moment by moment towards love that’s true. You deserve it Beloved. Will you claim it for you?
I do.
Love JoyGasm

Feel like you are failing?

Dear Beloved,
In space and time, you might feel like you are failing, slow, behind, or sucking in some way.
And if you’re giving power to that, we recognize that it’s real FOR YOU in your experience.
But try on our way of looking at it.
You’re always in the perfect space, so if you happened to get your face smashed in,
it’s so that 4 years from now you get to be the life of the party,
telling the story of how you made it through, and got to be the hero of the day.
Yes. It’s a bit twisted, but when you look at it our way,
atleast it has a silver lining. Bwahahaha
Love JoyGasm