All Posts by Elena Harder

Sometimes it takes longer.. Than you want, for your dreams to come true.

It’s true, it’s true. Especially when you’re a big ass visionary, who sees things WAY into the future.

Are you a visionary? Have you had visions, of communities, and families and houses, spread across the earth living in harmony with nature and with each other.

Have you had visions of yourself, leading, sharing, communicating, and transforming peoples lives? Have you seen yourself doing things you’ve never done before but always wish you had? I bet you have. And that’s because you are a visionary.  I know this, because I’m a visionary, and I know I came here to talk to people who have visions like this.  People like me.  People like you, and you. And you..

And I know it gets frustrating as hell when your dreams don’t come true fast enough.

 
It fucking sucks doesn’t it.
You get all excited, start telling all your friends, get on your social media, and then. Then what happens?
 
A month goes by, and you’ve still got that muffin top.
Shit. I mean we’ve all done it.  I did sit ups for 4 days straight, where’s my freaking 6 pack abs man??!!?!
But all humor aside, it takes time to create things, it takes time for those visions to come into reality, it takes time for you and me to become the people we’ve always imagined ourselves to be.
 
Take me for example.  This is me, almost 4 years to the day. I seem to have.. Forgotten to put pants on when I went to walk my 2.5 year old boy to sleep.. I’m Alone.  Again.  Still.
 
A friend of mine snapped this shot one day, I walked there almost every day just like this. But with pants.. Hehe.  I didn’t find out he’d taken it until months later, and he showed me, and I cried when I saw it.  I  cried because it was a true moment.  Because I had all kinds of selfies, and videos, of me being excited and talking a good fucking game.  But at that time in my life, I was struggling.  Look at my face.  This is not an accident that my face looks like this in this photo.  This is because that’s what I looked like then. I was grumpy, disconnected, and depressed.
 
At that point in my life, I KNEW clearly what my future life path would be, I knew I would share JoyGasm, I knew I would recover.. on some levels.. But on other levels, life was torturous hell.  That resulted in the moment above.
If you’re watching this far, and you’re a visionary, I can bet you $10, nah $100, that you’ve felt the strings of depression pull on your heart at some point in your life.  You’ve felt that voice of doubt creep in. That nagging feeling that you were wrong, that your vision was no good, that you’re destined to be a failure, not a success..  and that nothing you EVER do will come to fruition.  Do you have voices like that in your head?  I know I do.  They told me not to make this, and once I made it, they told me not to post it.

Because as a visionary, we have two major forces at work within us all the time.  ALL THE TIME..

One, is the voice of the bright future, calling us forward.  The other, despises change, and wants to stay safe.  These two voices speak to each other, and more often than not, one of them wins.
 
Which one wins, depends on you.  Depends on your present moment awareness of the fact that this dialog is going on, and which side you decide to play on.   And you can change sides.. All you want.. Monday, go team vision… Tuesday.. Fuck this shit.. Wednesday.. This might work… Thursday… we’re gonna rock it.. Friday.. Yes let’s go! Saturday.. I hate my life.. Saturday evening. Okay! Back on target!  You know the drill, you’ve done it.. Hundreds, maybe thousands of times.. And that’s just in this life, this body, this business.  It’s a part of the human condition.  And yet I’m going to tell you something right now that is going to change the way you look at this condition forever..
 

See there’s a certain point on every visionaries journey.  A point where everything changes.

Do you know what that point is?  Malcom Gladwell calls it the tipping point.  Now you might be thinking, that’s the point in a speaker’s career where they start getting calls from conference ASKING them to speak… or when they get really comfortable selling 10k packages from stage and their sales quadruple overnight, or when they get signed for their third book deal.  You might be tempted to think that THAT’S the tipping point.  But it’s not.    No… No… The real tipping point. It doesn’t happen out there, not with crowds, or amazon best sellers, or VIP retreats. Those things are a symptom. A really great feeling symptom of the real tipping point.
The real tipping point… It happens… It happens in here. (point to the heart). And when it happens in HERE. Something changes.  You see one thing manifest, and something clicks inside of you. OH. I saw that coming, and here it is.  It doesn’t even have to be something you like.  It could be like loosing your keys, or hitting your head.  You saw it coming, and you own it.

OWN IT!  Deep into your soul. That you saw it coming, and it happened.

In that moment.  Epiphany. You own your power as a powerful creator.  And that tipping point I was talking about, that’s the moment where you realize that you created it, and that means.. That means.. That MEANS.. That your other vision is about to come true too.  Inevitable.  Undeniable.  Now you might have had this moment in your life, and be saying to me “yeah Elena, I’m a master manifestor and all, but I still doubt myself, I mean that BIG vision, it’s pretty big.. I might be wrong on it.”
 

ARE YOU.. Or are you not.. THE CREATOR OF YOUR REALITY?

If you are, awesome, claim it ALL. Every single moment of it.  If you did that little one, can you do the big one.  Hell yes!  So it’s time to get your daily energy right behind it, like it’s inevitable. When you give meaning to little moments like that, and USE THEM.. To help you remember that you’ve got the universe at your back, and it’s delivering big dreams just like it’s delivering little dreams.  Like every time you leave the house, and then come back because you remembered you forgot something on the kitchen table. That’s a miracle, that’s you being intuitive, connected to your source, and a visionary, and it’s a sign of your power, and it’s a sign your dreams are coming true.  If you let it be. 
 
So I want you to take a moment now, because I like transformational experiences, and I want to offer you one right now.  I want to take a moment right now with you, and close your eyes, and remember a time, when you KNOW you manifested something.  You visioned it, you saw it coming, and BOOM.. It happened.  Doesn’t matter how long it took to show up, it showed up, and you KNEW to the core of your being it was because YOU asked for it.  Let me know when you’ve got that memory by saying a big old YES>> YES>> YES>>
Awesome.. So now that you’ve got it.  I want you to think about your big dream.  You know what I’m talking about, the scary huge one, the vision for your life, for how we’re all going to live on the planet, for unity and humanity, and for your part in that dazzling game.
And I want you to see, that that little manifestation, as proof of your big one.  As the proof, that your big dream is on it’s way.

That’s what all those little moments mean, they mean you are on track, and they are there to remind you of the inevitability of the big one dream.

When you remember that, then you’re golden.  Rolling into that future life, like you’re loving life along the way, and having a grand old adventure, with life winking at you every day, for a thousand little things.

On Self Love – Suzie de Jonge

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self-love is not selfish, it is actually unselfish. As a woman if you don’t take care of yourself, which includes doing things for yourself which bring you joy, it can end up making you feel resentful, stuck, unable to get excited about the future and also cause burnout and anxiety by all the everyday responsibilities that come with relationships, family and career.


How did you start your journey of self love? What started you on your path?

I started on my journey of self-love after experiencing a nervous breakdown while working in my own business 7 days a week, trying to juggle being wife, mother, daughter, friend and constant rescuer and also the loss of a parent. Something just broke inside me. It was after being told by my doctor that antidepressant medications would only get me part way back to my old self and the rest was up to me that I stopped and really looked at how I had been showing up in the world, and started to take care of myself instead of ignoring my needs.

What is your biggest challenge or temptation when it comes to caring for yourself?

Still trying to address the voice in my head that says taking care of myself is selfish. I think that comes from the role of women in my particular generation. We are meant to take care of everyone first and then ourselves while trying to appear as if we have it all together.

What has been the biggest unexpected obstacle you've had in following your passion or creating your great work in the world?

Not an unexpected obstacle so much but I guess being able to stand out amongst so many other coaches, although I think my message is different from the traditional life/business coach and at the same time so vital for many women I come into contact with. Actually it can be life saving for those suffering with severe anxiety/stress/depression.

How has your relationship to challenges changed since you started your journey?

I don’t instantly go into worst case scenarios like I used to. I feel more in control of situations as they arise and take the time to think through things.

Where can people find out more about you?

Full Name: Suzie de Jonge
Business Name: Beautifully Selfish
Website: www.beautifullyselfish.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beautifullyselfish/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beautifully_selfish/

On Self Love – Valerie Greene

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self love? Why is it important?

My experience of love is the realization that all life is connected, deserving of compassion, acceptance, empathy, and care. When I experience this I feel a surge of pleasurable energy, warmth, and joy in my heart. This feels like the truth of who I am, and it's what makes life worth living. When I am busy, I get disconnected from this feeling and I lose sight of who I really am and why I'm doing what I'm doing. That's why it is so important that I connect to this feeling and this experience every day, because otherwise I feel depleted instead of energized.

How did you start your journey of self love? What started you on your path?

I was lucky to have parents who modeled love for me, which is how we learn to love ourselves. My mom taught me that there are no "bad" people, just "bad" things that people do when they are in pain. Even though I learned this at a young age, I of course experienced a lot of pain when relationships failed in my 20's or when I got my heart broken; especially when I got divorced in my early 30's. This is when I sought out the most effective teachers of self love, and spent years practicing yoga, meditation, self-compassion, NLP, coaching, hypnosis, and other emotional healing modalities.

I found what worked best for me and created my own self-love practices that allowed my coaching clients to have breakthroughs in their own ability to experience self-love and profound romantic love with others, so I'm grateful for the pain I've experienced in my life because it lead me to learn how to heal it and help others heal, to experience more love, intimacy, and passion in their lives.

What is your biggest challenge or temptation when it comes to caring for yourself?

As an entrepreneur I sometimes experience that I don't have enough time to meditate or do as much self care as I like to do to feel balanced and energized. Also when my partner and I have an argument and I feel hurt or angry, part of me doesn't want to feel love. But I've learned how to tap into the source of love and give love to the part of me that's hurt or angry, and give myself compassion and soothing, and then transform that emotion into deeper needs or desires that didn't get met. Maybe I wanted my partner to be more collaborative, or give me more support, or see my side.

So I've learned how to transform the emotion and communicate those desires to him in an inspiring way so that whatever I was upset about winds up bringing us to a deeper place of emotional intimacy. That's what I teach to my clients: how to transform conflict into deeper intimacy.

What has been the biggest unexpected obstacle you've had in following your passion or creating your great work in the world?

I've had challenges in reaching the amount of people I want to reach with my work. I'd like more support in that

How has your relationship to challenges changed since you started your journey? 

I've learned that challenges are an opportunity to grow. In the beginning of my coaching practice, when clients were resistant to change and would be blaming themselves or the people in their life, I would get discouraged. But that forced me to develop patience, self-compassion, empathy for them, and faith in my own skills and the clients' path. Since then, I've developed all those things and now most of my clients have such profound, inspiring, deeply touching experiences. But if I wasn't challenged in the beginning, I wouldn't have had the chance to develop my own skills and virtues, and I wouldn't be able to appreciate the profound experiences I and my clients have now. So I welcome challenges now, as another way I can grow.

How can people learn more about you? 

Full Name: Valerie Greene
Website: http://www.coachvaleriegreene.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachvaleriegreene
Twitter: @CoachValGreene
Instagram: val_greene
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV5fnakewbzMZ2yGU-eChqQ

Man-ifest Your Lasting Love 

Learn how to activate the ONE simple secret that will draw a man closer and inspire his love, adoration, and devotion, no matter where your relationship is now!

On Self Love – Rhinda Piche

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self-love?

Self - Love obviously means something different to everyone, and through my journey of working with people, I searched for the common denominator, and my journey unfolded from there. Once I knew that I could depend on “myself” for anything and everything, was the day I knew that i truly loved myself unconditionally, as the mistakes, the goof ups, the tragedies became less and less of a focus, that love grew stronger and stronger, Im not sure that it ends.. When I say self, what do I mean? That connection to self can be seen in many ways, some see it as a connection to God, to the inner universe, to eternal energy, the source. What you call it doesn’t matter, what matters is that your feeling it.

Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Quieting the mind is one discipline we must all practice, whether we believe in it or not. Our world has become overloaded with criticism, judgement and gossip, filling the mind with useless information, doubting our own capabilities as we compare ourselves.

As a therapist, I have seen miracles happen when they begin to take themselves seriously again and make self-love a mission. Owning your life and then beginning to reshape can be as easy as breathing, and focusing on what you love. These 2 things could change anyone's life if they chose to.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Tricky question because I tend to be happier than ever, being single, not sure if Im avoiding or if it serves a grander purpose, I tend to love all people equally, and have a hard time putting one person in front of the rest. I would imagine this is because I haven’t yet found “theOne” . Being a single mom comes with its own challenges, however my biggest struggle is my automatic response to HELP. My helping role needs to stay out of intimate relationships. I think. Haha


What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

I am single gal, with 4 boys, and very grateful for that, the more okay I become, I realize that most of my past relationships were geared towards me helping my partner, become “better”. I see now, when I put that focus on me instead, everything else falls into place. And all I had to do was learn to breathe properly and only focus on the things that I love. How easy is that?. It becoming effortless over time.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

My work can be challenging because people are still wakingup to the idea that there is more for them, and I have learnt that I can’t convince anyone of anything, so I just keep breathing.

Independence is just that, “Inner Dependence” depending on the inner world. notice how the word “Dance” is in there too. Get to know that inner dance that lies inside you, treat him/her like you would treat your newborn baby,or your best friend, with absolute tenderness and love, only then will your outer world reflect tenderness and love, it will make you want to dance.

“You don’t have to like me, thats my job” ~ Byron Katie

On Self Love – Natalia Levey

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

Elena HarderJoyGasm Founder and Self Love Expert

Natalia nails it with food.  When we take good care of our bodies, everything else seems manageable. When we don't, even the smallest thing is impossible.  

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self-love comes from taking out the ego and the need for external validation from our thinking process. There’s a Twilight episode “Eye of the Beholder,” where a woman goes through multiple extensive surgeries to fit in, only to find herself in the most extraordinary situation. It changed the perception of her appearance.

What if we were to think of self-love as if it were already there, inherent in every one of us, because we are all a part of something bigger? Not stay so focused on our physical perception but spiritual growth. We all feel the love of nature, the Universe that surrounds us, and the higher being. We are all connected, and are meant to be the beautiful amazing beings that we are. Instead of searching for harmony, accept that it’s already within every single one of us, already in existence.

Once we accept that we are pure love as a being, we can start treating our bodies the way that they deserve to – with respect and kindness, nourish them not because of the latest trend to look a certain way, but because it’s what our bodies ultimately need.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Being a mom of a 12 year old girl has made me realized that we are not taught self-love. Simply the process of going through life, putting out daily fires and satisfying external and internal expectations can create a vortex of excuses and fears, comfort zones and lack of self-appreciation.

Having discussions with my daughter about not focusing on peer pressure, creating a space for her to explore different emotions and experiences, has sparked the desire in me to deeper understand the underlying causes of self doubt, and find ways to share love with the world.


What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

The most important skill I’ve learned is to not take things personally and not give up on the fact that I’m here to serve, taking out the ego and need for praise and acceptance.

My personal accomplishments become insignificant among the positive ripple effect that my work is creating in the world around.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

Hahahaha having to learn a lot of different technologies and skills. Marketing, sales, graphic design, web design. I just wanted to do my work, but realized that in order to get the message out in the most powerful way, I have to embrace technology. I’m also a big time introvert. So putting myself out there is always hard.